I told my therapist a list of things I want to do the other day. The list included writing more, trying to get published, fixing a medical issue once and for all, and organizing a Creative Writing class reunion. She said that I was repeating myself. I had told her that I wanted to do […]
These past few days, I’ve been feeling very stressed. When I look at my calendar, I realize that my schedule is jam-packed with social activities. This weekend, I’ll be going hiking in New Hampshire with my boyfriend and his friends. Next week, I have a dinner at a friend’s apartment, karaoke with my boyfriend and his […]
Last weekend, my guy friend (let’s call him John) came over to hangout with my boyfriend and me at our apartment. We were chatting about his love life, when John turned the conversation to an old subject. He brought up a mutual girl friend of ours that he would totally “fuck” (let’s call her Jane). John asked […]
- Saying, “That’s funny,” after someone tells a story. It will always sound disingenuous and it’s just a bad way to fill the silence.
What I’m glad I stopped doing:
- Filling in silences with nervous laughter.
What I need to start doing:
- Find a new way to fill in silences.
While trying to brainstorm what to write for this week’s post, my list of ideas ended up looking something like this: People I still hate from high school My texting pet peeves It sucks to be broke I decided that these topics were too negative, especially considering the last time I wrote here, I basically […]
I have been told a couple of times that I have a tendency to act dumber than I am.
Potential reasons why I do this:
- People treat me like I’m dumb: therefore I play the part so as not to be inconsistent with their expectations. I am a people pleaser after all.
- Playing to what I expect are people’s expectations: I assume people think I’m dumb so I play the part so as not to be inconsistent with what I assume are their expectations. It’s all in my head.
- Playing to my own expectations: I think I’m dumb, therefore I play the part so as not to be inconsistent with my own expectations. I’m doing this to make sense of myself.
- Playing it safe: If people think I’m dumb, if I think people think I’m dumb, if I think I’m dumb, then there’s never any expectation for me to be smart. And then I’m safe from the risk of making mistakes and failing people as a smart person.
- I’m actually dumb: and the people who think I’m playing dumb actually expect more from me. I don’t know whether to be flattered or terrified.
I went down to Office Services the other day to tell someone that after weeks of meticulously planning a surprise scrapbook, photography portfolio, and family album as a three-part present for my boyfriend’s birthday, I lost my phone, the wallet cover attached to it, and therefore my work ID card. Office Services is where my workplace […]